A situation happened in my family 4 years ago when my father chose to pass on the family farm, valued at 2 million dollars, in an unjust way. My dad gave the family farm to my sister and her husband for free. He felt that this was the only way to pass on the farm to the next generation as, in his words, ‘no one could afford to buy it’. My mother did not have a choice in this as she always just goes along with whatever my dad decides. The problem was that there are 5 sisters in my family (no brothers) and none of us were farming – we all had other jobs, so this felt like the rest of us were being rejected and he picked a favorite child (and their children) in which to give this great gift. In addition, the farm generates a sizeable income by renting out the crop land which would make the farm payment – so dad was wrong that none of us could afford it. My dad was 81 years old when he did this and only included my one sister and her husband in making this decision.
This situation is not uncommon – it know it happens in different scenarios in other families and I always thought it was wrong for families to fight over money. But, when it happened in our family, it felt like a bomb when off and shrapnel flew into all of our hearts. The pain of being rejected and the unjustness of the situation was immense. My sisters and I, as well as our husbands, were so hurt. My dad was not open to discussion and has never apologized.
My sisters and I are all doing fine financially and we all said ‘it wasn’t about the money’ but about the unjustness of the situation. How could dad do this to us and how could my sister and her husband go along with this… couldn’t they see the unjustness of this? I felt ‘captured’ in the net of hurt, bitterness, rejection and distrust.
From the beginning, I fought against division in our family over this situation. I saw Satan was working for division in our family. I turned to Jesus in prayer and in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Through the Sacrament, I began to see the envy, greed and jealousy present in my heart (even though I previously was thinking of myself as above that) and knowing that I had to reject that sin and confess it.
“I fought for peace in my family and I know the Sacrament gave me the grace to persevere in this fight.”
I fought for peace in my family and I know the Sacrament gave me the grace to persevere in this fight. I kept visiting my elderly parents each week even though it was very painful to do. I knew that I was called to love and honor my parents and I chose to continue to do that day by day. I kept on speaking terms with my sister and her husband even though it was hard. I encouraged my sisters to choose forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying that what happened was okay, but just letting it go and giving it to God; releasing our hearts from the bitterness and hurt that holding grudges causes in our heart.
This all took time to evolve… maybe three years of time. I went for spiritual direction a few times and to the Sacrament of Reconciliation every month to receive God’s grace. Even to this day, four years later, sometimes I have to reject hurtful thoughts that pop into my head. As soon as I recognizing those hurtful or bitter thoughts, I choose to intentionally pray to for God to remove the hurt and pain from my heart and to pray for my parents and all my sisters. Day by day, with God’s grace, I strive to choose love and forgiveness as Jesus shows me.
—Anonymous, SE Minnesota